I’m not depressed. I’ve just lost my smile. I’m unhappy. I live to work and not work to live. I’m lonely. I’m phony and talked my mom and siblings like I’m fine. I continue to work over 60 hours a week and financially struggle. I’m blessed to have a job during these times, but I find it increasingly difficult being married to a man in possession of close to a million dollars. We have separate bank accounts. He uses the money for himself. I’ve essentially given up on taking care of a house that’s been unfinished for seven years. We’ve had rodents and bugs and I wouldn’t even invite my family over. I’m embarrassed of the house and, since my husband doesn’t really take care of himself, I’m embarrassed of him sometimes, too. I ask God to help me let go of these feelings, but unhappiness has set in. I watch others who don’t work as hard as I get everything they want even in excess. I’m tired. My soul is so very tired. I lay in bed and think I’m only staying alive for my dogs. What else since I just live to work. I have no enjoyment but for time with my dogs. This isn’t the life I wanted and it’s not the life I deserve. I feel like I don’t even deserve prayer. Did God just skip me over? Am I being punished for my past mistakes? Why? Why do I always do the right thing and forgive yet remain in such a place. I’m in robot mode. I haven’t smiled in days unless it’s fake. I’m mad. I’m jealous. I feel so confused and cheated. Like I said, I don’t feel even worthy of prayer. Not even sure why I’m typing this when my life will likely continue as it has and my husband won’t change. My dog is sick, too. I used all my money for the vet but she needs medication and he won’t pay for it. I’m sorry. I know it could be worse. Thank you for even reading this. God bless.

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